Divorce and Self Confidence
Regaining one’s self-confidence following a divorce is not aneasy thing to do. As we’ve stated in all the previous articleswithin this series of reports on how to recover from a divorce,the blow to your inner-being is traumatic and long-lasting.
Probably the first thing you should do is to take stock ofyourself and set about improving the way you look. This couldmean a new hairdo, a haircut, new makeup, and new clothes. Getyourself organized to look your best, because when you feel thatyou look good, you will look good.
It’s easy to spot people who have suffered traumatic experiencesbecause of the way they look. Their appearance, their clothes,the way they talk and act - it’s all quite apparent to anobserver that these people feel down and out - they feel thatlife has played a dirty trick on them - and their self-esteem isnot very high.
The next thing you should do is get involved in some sort ofmeaningful work.
If you’re already a part of the working force, ask for moreresponsibility or more challenging assignments. Get involved inthe areas in which you excel, and show your bosses as well asyourself what you can do with exemplary expertise. Take stock ofthe promotional opportunities where you work - set your sightson a better position - and go for it.
If you’re out of work or don’t have a job, then take stock ofthe things that you can do, make up or have a resume of yourcapabilities typed out, look in the newspapers - the yellowpages of your telephone book - visit your state employmentoffice, and the employment agencies in your area - submit yourresume and get yourself a job. Nothing boosts a person ego,self-esteem, personal confidence, and inner dignity like gettinga job Don’t be discouraged - part of the reason it’s so hard tofind a job is because of the trauma you’re experiencing - keeptrying and you’ll succeed.
If you’re retired or well-off to the extent that there’s no needfor you to find a wage-paying job, then volunteer your expertiseto organizations and people who will benefit from your knowledgeand experience. The welfare agencies are always looking forpeople to teach others how to keep house, cook meals, and carefor children. You might even consider organizing a business orputting together classes of some sort to help people with theirproblems and/or inexperience.
The next thing you should do is make up a budget to live by, anddetermine to become the best “money manager” who ever lived. Fewpeople live according to a budget, and consequently, most peopleare over their heads in debt.
Relative to the kind of person you want to become - you wantothers to think of you as - and the kind of happiness you seek -it is imperative that you learn to manage your moneyintelligently. Money by itself won’t bring happiness, but byusing money properly and making it work for you, it canalleviate many of your problems.
Somewhere along the line, you’ve got to know, understand, andwork out your transportation requirements. In this day and age,you have to have transportation to get to the places downtown,across town, or even to the grocery store. Don’t take anythingfor granted or expect it to work itself out. Analyze all of yourpossible needs, consider all your options, and then plan forevery situation, including emergencies.
Very definitely, you should give yourself time to relax andsocialize with other people. If you haven’t been too friendly oflate with your next door neighbor, or the people in your block,then get out and renew those acquaintances. Get out of your”closet” and pay them a visit, or invite them into your home forcoffee. Let people know that you’re alive and well - that you’reworth knowing as a friend and neighbor.
It may be difficult during this time to do much socializingbecause everything you see or do reminds you of the past - andwith this in mind, it’s a good idea to check into the socialactivities sponsored by your local churches, civicorganizations, and even the singles clubs. Don’t “go out” toreplace the love you’ve lost or to find the “real true love” ofyour life. Just go out to be with people, to enjoy yourself, andget your mind off your problems.
No, you won’t be able to forget the hurt you’ve gone through norbecome a new person overnight. It will take some time, longerfor some people than others. But the important thing isregaining your confidence following a divorce is to know thatyou are someone of worth - believe it - acknowledge that you canbe the kind of person you want to be - set your sights onbecoming/attaining all your ambitions - do what’s reallynecessary to fulfilling your dreams, and go for them.
This is a new beginning for you. A chance to really prove toyourself that you can do it. Know what you want - be honest withyourself in understanding what you have to do to get what youwant - and then let nothing stand in your way until you getprecisely what you want. It can be yours, but you have to makeit all happen!
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